Sad. I'm just sad...

My daughter doesn't like me. Not in the way I always thought she would, anyway.

From very early on, it was obvious that Brigid was a daddy's girl. We couldn't persuade her to sit and cuddle with us very often, but when she did decide she was ready for a break? It was always a break with Steve. When we go places? She wants to hold daddy's hand. When we get into the car? She wants daddy to buckle her in. When you ask her who she loves, who is her favorite, who she wants to hang out with? The answer is almost always daddy.

When she's not feeling well? She wants her daddy.

And, I know, I should be happy about this. I shouldn't take it personally. Steve and Brigid have the kind of relationship that any daughter should have with her daddy. She adores him, and the feeling is mutual. They're very lucky to have each other.

But still, I wonder...what did I do wrong?

I know she loves me. I know, when there are other people around, she asks for me sometimes. But she also refuses to hug me sometimes, refuses to give me bedtime kisses, refuses to let me read books to her.

Because she wants her daddy.

Last night, we were in night two of Steve's three night business trip to Charlotte. And Brigid, upset about going to bed, started crying for her daddy. And I tried to tell her he wasn't home. I tried to ask her what mommy could do to help her feel better. And I got nothing more than 'I want my daddy'. Repeated over and over and over and over again. I tried to hold her, I tried to read to her, I tried to let her play with the iPad, I tried just lying next to her and rubbing her back.

My presence just seemed to make everything worse. And she never once stopped asking for Steve.

After about an hour of this, I told her I would go downstairs and try to find something to make her feel better. And then, I just went to bed and cried. At 8:45. I was too exhausted to do anything else.

For the next thirty minutes, she was mostly quiet, except when she'd call out for her daddy every few minutes. And then she fell asleep. Only to wake up this morning, asking for daddy again.

If this were an isolated incident, I'd chalk it up to her trying to get a rise out of me. But it's happened the last few times Steve has been out of town. It happens sometimes when he's in town, and I'm just trying to put her to bed. It happens at preschool, no matter who drops her off. It happens when my mother-in-law is driving Brigid back from lunch with friends. It happens when I get her up some mornings, and Steve is already at work.

She loves her daddy. I picked a great father for my kids. We should all be happy that we are so lucky in this situation, where I don't have to be enough for her. And yet, my heart is broken because I'm not enough for her. I can't comfort her when she is upset like her daddy can.

And that's tough to face.

Much like the job situation, I'm very much hoping that this is another product of crazy, raging pregnancy hormones, and I'll be able to process all of my feelings of inadequacy in a more realistic light six to twelve months from now. But at this moment? I feel like a crappy mom.

How am I supposed to do this all over again a second time?