Thursday, January 20, 2011

A place for lace

I worry about my weight. But who doesn't, right? I am 5'2-5'3, and at my current weight, I am at the high end (or just slightly above) of what the average index considers 'normal' weight for my height. So, sure, I'd like to drop a few pounds to be more firmly in that normal range (because, really, I'm tired of thinking that one larger than average lunch will push me back into the overweight side of things), but I'm not too concerned about the actual number on the scale.

Beyond that, though, I don't really consider myself to be healthy. And that's what bothers me.

I don't work out like I should. Sure, I'll get on kicks here and there, but if I can come up with an excuse to not be active, hoo boy, am I going to take it! Last year? I really wanted to be a runner. So, I downloaded the Couch to 5K app on my iPhone, and nine weeks later, I could run for 30 minutes straight. But that was it. I'm not getting any faster. I'm not running any farther. I don't want to push myself anymore. In fact, up until this week, I hadn't run since Thanksgiving. I blamed it on the holidays. I blamed it on the weather. But really? I was being lazy. Thank goodness my dogs care more about their physical activity than I do. If they weren't so obnoxious about wanting to be walked, I would still be sitting on the couch.

I absolutely do not eat like I should. Sure, I can count calories with the best of them. I can make sure I eat an apple at lunch when I'm at work. I can choose wheat bread over white bread any day of the week. But you put some cookies in front of me? They'll be gone in 20 minutes, if the mood is right. My sweet tooth is the boss of me. I'll force myself to eat vegetables, when they're presented as an option, but I won't go out of my way to prepare them. And since my husband has never met anything green that he likes, and he is in charge of the cooking, they're not presented as an option all that often.

I complain about all of this more than I should. I talk about calories, about dieting, about what new work-out plan I'm going to try, about being skinnier, about not being happy with my body. All of the time! And you know what? I'm tired of it. I want to stop focusing on being skinnier and start focusing on being healthier. I want it to be something I live on a daily basis, not something I talk about all of the time. Because I most definitely do not want all of my talk to be what Brigid picks up on as something she needs to worry about. I think she'll have enough influence on her in that area from other people, she doesn't need her mother adding to it.

I want to raise a daughter who chooses activity over tv and vegetables over noodles because that's what she wants to do, not because she's thinking about the calories in those noodles or the number she sees on a scale.

So I am going to spend the next couple of months in a weight loss challenge. I am going to use it as an opportunity to change how I look at exercise and how I feel about food. I am going to focus on the number I see on the scale. And then I'm not going to talk about it anymore.

Just think of all the brainpower I'll free up!

And on to today's outfit...

Dress: Gap
Cardigan: Express
Necklace: Forever 21
Tights: J Crew
Boots: DSW


  1. lovely tights! they make this outfit. i'm not big on the sweets- but cheese and chips? GONE.
    <3 mode.

  2. What a good post. When (and if) I have a daughter, I need to remind myself to not say negative things about my body to her (stuff like "I look fat") because it's so important to teach daughters to have positive body images. Better to be a good example and live a healthy lifestyle (EVEN THOUGH IT'S SO HARD!!!)


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